Maybe I am an idiot?

Well, tomorrow I start my internship.  My teacher called me today to tell me that if the school was closed for snow I didn't have to come.  That worries me a little.  Does she think I am an idiot?  I mean seriously have her previous interns and field 3 students been so brain dead that they braved the ice (this is generally what we get when they say snow) and went to the school?  And if her previous interns have been such idiots how is she going to treat me?  I mean as I think about this I am really worried.

Other than that, I am really excited!  I love little kids.  And I think with the pace of their schedule losing weight should be no big deal!!!  Woohoo!

seminar

So for the last two days, we have been in a seminar.  I really and truly don't mind sitting around learning things that are really interesting or that I did not know and that could help me. . . The last two days were anything but that.  And they told us another lie that all the supervisors heard the same information and will communicate that to us.  All in good time.  Now there might be some things that are not clear about me.  One I am extremely organized, two I am extremely analytical and three I am a kinesthetic visual learner.  It makes my life cuss at times, but what are you gonna do, you are who you are.  Now the last two days did nothing for me as learner.  I sat there bored, fidgeting and trying not to text or sing or get up and walk around.  If I have nothing to do, I will find something!  Well, I guess I fudged a little . . . out of eight hours of seminar I did learn some questions to ask when I participate in a job interview.  The rest could have been sent to me in an email.  Today was a complete waste of time as it gave me information that would have been more helpful last semester.  And then to top it all off the most helpful information was shoved in at the end when we only had half the time that was originally allotted for this information.  Sigh.

Curly Nikki | Natural Hair Styles and Curly Hair Care: Decoding Natural Hair Products

Curly Nikki Natural Hair Styles and Curly Hair Care: Decoding Natural Hair Products: "A Rough Guide to Hair Product Naming Conventions by Joyful Mom of Happy Girl Hair A reader (Hi Sarah!) emailed me with a terrific question..."

I generally linked to this so I could find it later! haha

Sleep

Ok. So I sat in front of this doctor today. He is one of those who crosses his legs and listens very seriously to everything you say even though it is very funny. Then he says something funny, but with a serious face so do I laugh?!!!!? I smiled politely and nodded though I really wanted to laugh. Dr. Cohen says that I do have sleep apnea, but my insurance company says that I must do the sleep study. I will sleep at this place tomorrow night and Wednesday night. I didn't ask if I could bring my laptop. Maybe I will take Gerrell's. He's not supposed to have it during the week anyway. Plus I am going late enough at night that he will not need it.

I have to wash my hair and not put anything on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOTHING ON MY HAIR!!!! No shea butter, no leave in conditioner, no hot six oil! What will my hair look like? I am transitioning to natural and I plan to let it transition out until my natural hair is as long as my permed hair. I like my hair around my shoulders and that is what I am going to do. Anyway. . . . Nothing on my hair. I am quite satisfied with my hair the way it is right now. So nice and soft and moisturized! Sigh. Nothing on my hair. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

Now if I start getting really good sleep and still don't feel better, I am going to go back to the doctor. I know that some of it is my diabetes. I have got to get that under better control. And I plan on doing that starting tomorrow. I am going to be like a demon with checking and checking and checking my blood sugars and making sure that I take insulin before I eat, not after I have started. Anyway, there are numerous problems that I hope to take care of in the future and just feel better. I want to feel better. I am going to feel better.

New Year

Ahhhh! It is a New Year! It is 2011! A year filled with so many numbers that it blows the mind. The first day was 1-1-11! Larz's birthday is 1-11-11 (and lots of shows are debuting that night). This has got to be VJs lucky year 11-11-11! Too bad it's not like his first year on the job or something like that. I love it.

I have also been super crabby and irritable. I have been trying to hold it in, but it squeezes out the sides and blasts anyone who gets close. It's like a pb&j sandwich that you press together too hard and it oozes out the sides is my anger. I can feel it sometimes filling in all the little dark holes. Sometimes when there is a lot going on, I can feel that jelly that is my anger soaking into the bread giving me this odd "DON'T CUSS WITH ME" energy that people can feel a mile away. On the surgace I am perfectly pleasant, but underneath is this tumultous chasm of seething anger and annoyance.

Can't say anything.
Don't want to upset anyone.
Just want to be happy and calm.
What is that? Where is it? Can I find it? Is it possible?
This can't be me.
I am more than this . . . . . . . .

Anyway, it is a great day to be alive and I am truly thankful for my life, because it could be a whole lot worse than what it is.

Mwah!

Shopping

It is very interesting to go shopping in Jonesboro during the Christmas season. There were sooooo many accidents. And unbelievably, someone called in a bomb threat at Wal-Mart on Highland.

Larz was gone today which was ok. It was kinda like he was at work. I missed him, but not like he was gone out of town.

Kim brought the girls and her niece and nephew over today, because Kerry got out of jail and acted a fool at her house. It is ridiculous how stupid grown people will act. She has dealt with him for the last nine years and it is time to move on. I just hope that she sticks with it! I just pray and pray and pray that she will not let him back. Bobby is 20 time better than Kerry in pretty much every way that I can see. sigh.

Ok, I have been up too long and need to go to sleep.

sigh another complication from the accident

Ok. So another complication from the accident is my hair! I wonder if I can get some monetary compensation from the hair so that I can go to the hairdresser since I can't lift my arms above my head long enough to do my own hair. It is sooooooooo annoying. I could wash it, but I can't blow dry it or twist it. Sigh.

And this is not from the accident, but is annoying. I have to have an evaluation for the sleep study in the middle of the day! On my third day in the field. I don't know how that is going to go over. sigh. I still feel like I should blame that on my accident. I won't but I feel like I should lol.

Still not ready for Christmas

Ok! Now is not the time to panic, but I am not done shopping for Christmas. It's a piteous fact, because the children didn't ask for much and I have little money! So it should be done. Now the stores are full of people. The blessed little dear terrors are out of school and in the malls and I have to venture out with them all. Sigh. What was I thinking?

accident

I was in a car accident today. I yelled at the driver who caused the accident. She was really hysterical and I think I caught a little bit of it. At first I told her, it's ok. Then I was like "Shut the hell up and look at what you did to my car!?!!?" "LOOK AT MY CAR!" I feel a little bad now, because she was young and incredibly stupid apparently. . . apparently. But look at my car! Shit.

The ambulance ride was torture. The EMT was funny, but laughing hurt me. I think they decided I wasn't seriously hurt and that I was just taking a gratuiitous ride to the hospital for no reason. I really feel like that. They were super nice and very interesting, but I feel like everyone thinks I wasn't that hurt. I have so learned how to put my pain in the back that I will never show how hurt I am. I mean never. I feel like that is a weakness that I don't need. I could have wailed and cried and screamed, but what good would it have done. Better to block it all out and move on. Block it out and move on.

And now I am sitting here hurt. I have to write a letter to St. Bernard's because I think that they are determined to kill me once again. I go to the hospital and my blood sugar is 300+ and I have an awful headache and I feel nauseous. They don't treat any of that. I am going to write several letters until I get some sort of satisfactory response and I might even contact a lawyer. I mean what I went through was ridiculous and dangerous! I don't know what I want to happen, but I really think that this needs to be addressed.

Sick and tired of being sick an tired. I really should have stayed at home.

Work sigh

My boss drives me absolutely crazy! I tell her something and then two days later she tells it to me like I am hearing it for the first time! It is really really really really really annoying beyond belief! You would think that having a boss who never pays attention to what you do would be great, but it is awful! I could be doing something totally wrong and she never knows it until it is too late! Drives me crazy. And then you can never get a straight answer out of her. She never calls you back!

They know so little

Ok. So everyday in class I feel like a big knowitall dork. Why should I be made to feel like this just because I read the paper, watch the news, read education news and just in general pay attention!? Why? All I know is that on a daily basis in class I don't want to raise my hand and I don't want to talk because I don't want people to look at me like there goes that chick again who thinks she knows it all. It's not that I knowitall or even a whole lot sometimes. Sometimes it is just how the teacher phrases the question "Have you heard about ______________?" Well, if it just happens to be a general idea of what is going on, then yes I know about it somewhat.

I just look around and look at these people and continue to make my list of people who will not be allowed to teach my children! lol.

This is a test!

Summer School

Ok. So I have started summer school which is no problem. I have a test next week and I have already started studying. I have to do my philosophy and I have started what we will call preliminary work on that. I am very tired recently so my motivation for these things is very low.

My friend Kim is also going to summer school. I helped her write her paper. I love my friend, but more often than not she only calls me when she needs something. I don't think she even realizes this. Oh well, I will trudge on. I do enjoy talking to her, but even more important, I think that she needs someone like me in her life.

My bestest friend Sarah is getting married. I am really struggling with going. We can stay at her home which will save money, but it is quite a ways from here. This means that it will take a chunk out of our money that we don't have to spare. I really really really want to see her. I haven't seen her since I was pregnant with VJ. And I know we won't have any money next summer. We will figure it out. I want to go.

Ken Robinson says schools kill creativity | Video on TED.com

Ken Robinson says schools kill creativity Video on TED.com

Very very interesting.

Gonna do this

Ok. So I have decided that I need to go ahead and do this blogger thing. I mean really do it, not just log in every six months or so. So much has happened I don't even have the brain power to write it all down.

I guess I will just start with my thoughts of today. It is Christmas Eve and my children have waay too much under the tree as they all do. I am proud that my husband has some stuff on the tree that he will like and appreciate. I think he will be excited when he sees what he got. I know the children will be excited. It is nice to go ahead and start over. This has been a stressful year and I have been hard on my family. My resolution is to be better. They have been so great with understanding all the hard work and long hours I am putting in with going back to school and trying to be successful. I just pray that all of this is for something! I know it will be. It has to be I couldn't go through all of this and put my family through all of this for nothing. Next Christmas won't be as big as this one and this one isn't as big as others that we have had. They are very understanding and precious little boys and I love them sooo much.

Reality TV

I love Foodnetwork Challenge! This is such a fascinating show. I have discovered that I love reality shows period. I watch just about anything that is absurd or makes me laugh or gasp or makes me go awww. I mean I have watched Bridezillas, Flavor Flav, New York, Food Network Challenge, people making clothes and cars and just all kinds of stuff. Sometimes it is just to see the way other people live their lives. crazy!!

Ice Storm

There was an ice storm recently.  We were forced by the lack of power to leave our home.   This was scary.  To think of how easily we were all bowed by the throes of winter and something as simple as the lights going out.  Though I rejoice in how we have all rallied around each other.  These communities have a great spirit in them.  There are problems and there are issues, but when there is  need, there is a silent rallying cry that calls everyone to rise and do what is needed to help themselves and their fellow man.

Bankruptcy

The bankruptcy is finally almost done! This is something that we started sooo long ago and finally we are about to go ahead and be done! Today we go to a creditor's meeting at the courthouse. I am nervous. My stomach hurts. OH! I need to call my boss and tell her I have an appointment this morning and won't be in for a while. I meant to tell her yesterday and forgot.

You ever have one of those days where you are sooo exhausted. I am. I was sick on my birthday and now it's like not only am I not recovering, I am suffering from a second bout! It's one of those things, where you want to burrow in the covers and moan to yourself and just throw a big pity party.