Woe is Me

Hmmmm. . . I thought I would take a moment for a little pity party.  Woe is me.  I am in the middle of getting my classroom together with very few days until school starts.  I just didn't know how hard it would be to get started.  I am mentally exhausted from the effort.  I feel that everyone does things differently and when I look around I don't necessarily see anything that will work for me.  I feel like I am getting started about 10 seconds behind the gun, everyone else is looking at the finishline and I am looking at their tail ends!  Sigh. sniff sniff sniff

Ok! Party over! Back. To. Work!  We have a meeting this morning to plan the first six weeks of school.  I feel that once we have sat down to do that, I will have a better feel for where I need to go.  I hope everyone comes and gives their input.  I am going!  With that said, let me get dressed and go!

Have a beautiful day!

Chugging on along

So I have found some great resources!  I am very very excited.  www.kellyskindergarten.com has been sooooo very helpful.  Of course, I have also been very confused!  This center thing is really getting to me.  I think I have too many ideas.  I am not sure how I am going to make everything work.  And I still need to get a po and go to Landmark books and get my calendar and stuff that I have on hold.  This was the secretary's first week back so I didn't want to bother her.  I get the feeling that she can be a little grumpy! (This might be putting it mildly if the looks I have been getting mentioning her name are something to go by.)

Anyway . . . starting something new is very interesting.  It is cause for a lot of introspection.  I went into this for the right reasons.  I am glad I did it.  Of course, I am very scared that I won't be able to continue from here on out.  Will my convictions be enough to carry me through?  Will I lose myself in this?  I guess now is the time to put my big girl panties on and suck it up.

I am just testing this right now. I seriously doubt I will use mobile blogging very much if I have to text the entire thing. Not as simple as typing.

eeek!

So back to the centers!  I am sooo overwhelmed!  I have to sit down and map out some basic ideas before I continue just hapharzardly throwing things together.  I will have a better idea of what I need when I receive the pacing guide, but I won't get that for a while.  So until I get that I am just going to through things together.

Our enrollment is waaay down as of right now and that worries me.  I mean last one hired first one fired!  Or maybe they will just switch me to somewhere else, which will make all of this money that I have spent for nothing.  I am spending no more money!  sigh.  Overwhelmed am I!

I have a job now what

OK.  I think the title says so much that I almost don't need to blog.  I have a job.  I have mixed feelings about my job.  It is in a regular classroom.  Not in a resource room as I hoped or even in a self contained room.  But I am excited, because after my experiences in a special education room, I was a little put off by it all and didn't know for sure if that was what I wanted to do. 

The teacher in my resource room was an absolute nut and I didn't like her at all.  When I completed her evaluation I put down that she was a poor communicator and that if given an opportunity, I would never work with her again in any way shape or form.

Anyway, back to the job situation.  I entered my classroom and it was full of . . . four tables, teacher desk, a cabinet and some ramshackle things that my wonderful co workers collected for me.  From this I had to create a classroom.  I gotta say I already love these ladies that I am working with.  They have been so helpful.  My principal seems really great, though a little stressed.  I think I am on the right track.  I just didn't imagine that I would be starting from scratch in this room.  I have spent so much money, that if I keep on like this, I will need my entire first paycheck to replenish my savings.  There is so much and my education did not prepare me for any of this.  I went in one day and just sat there kinda looking.  I have so many ideas running through my mind that I don't seem to really get anything done.  Good news, the other secretary will be back and I will be able to get my calendar and all that put up.  Also, the principal is ordering me a rug so I don't have to worry about that.  I just need to find some small rugs for a couple of centers and get my center stuff organized.  I can do it. . . because there is no other option is there??!?!?!

Speaking of centers, I am going to do like a center station with tubs where all my center materials will sit.  The kids will rotate through, get stuff from each of the tubs and complete it.  Some of the centers through the week will have some take home materials while others won't.  For instance, they will copy and trace letters and that will be something they take home.  But when they use letter tiles for the letters that won't go home.  I have found sooo many interesting blogs and other things that I will have to make a post with an entirely separate link for those.  Whew!

Did I mention I started graduate school also?  Shoot me now!

ASU

ASU sucks!  I cannot believe that they are wasting one of my precious intern days with their ridiculous seminar that isn't going to do anything in particular for me.  The last seminar was a waste of everyone's time!  I wish someone would go through this teacher education program and really really really listen to what the students who are apying for this program tell them about the program!  And I understand that some things are necessary, but it would be helpful to be let in on the why of things rather than just here do this - listen to this - go here.  Blah Blah blah blah.  Talk about minions!  I feel like we are the teacher education department's minions.

It's kinda crazy though that individually all the professors are great people who I have enjoyed talking and philosophizing with at random times.  But as a collective group they fill us with many things that we are not going to do at anytime in the foreseeable future.

snow day

Today was a waste of a snow day!  The roads were clear and the weather was cold, but there was no wind or anything to speak of . . . so tonight it will probably ice up and we will be stuck inside tomorrow for real.  sigh. . . .

Maybe I am an idiot?

Well, tomorrow I start my internship.  My teacher called me today to tell me that if the school was closed for snow I didn't have to come.  That worries me a little.  Does she think I am an idiot?  I mean seriously have her previous interns and field 3 students been so brain dead that they braved the ice (this is generally what we get when they say snow) and went to the school?  And if her previous interns have been such idiots how is she going to treat me?  I mean as I think about this I am really worried.

Other than that, I am really excited!  I love little kids.  And I think with the pace of their schedule losing weight should be no big deal!!!  Woohoo!

seminar

So for the last two days, we have been in a seminar.  I really and truly don't mind sitting around learning things that are really interesting or that I did not know and that could help me. . . The last two days were anything but that.  And they told us another lie that all the supervisors heard the same information and will communicate that to us.  All in good time.  Now there might be some things that are not clear about me.  One I am extremely organized, two I am extremely analytical and three I am a kinesthetic visual learner.  It makes my life cuss at times, but what are you gonna do, you are who you are.  Now the last two days did nothing for me as learner.  I sat there bored, fidgeting and trying not to text or sing or get up and walk around.  If I have nothing to do, I will find something!  Well, I guess I fudged a little . . . out of eight hours of seminar I did learn some questions to ask when I participate in a job interview.  The rest could have been sent to me in an email.  Today was a complete waste of time as it gave me information that would have been more helpful last semester.  And then to top it all off the most helpful information was shoved in at the end when we only had half the time that was originally allotted for this information.  Sigh.

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I generally linked to this so I could find it later! haha

Sleep

Ok. So I sat in front of this doctor today. He is one of those who crosses his legs and listens very seriously to everything you say even though it is very funny. Then he says something funny, but with a serious face so do I laugh?!!!!? I smiled politely and nodded though I really wanted to laugh. Dr. Cohen says that I do have sleep apnea, but my insurance company says that I must do the sleep study. I will sleep at this place tomorrow night and Wednesday night. I didn't ask if I could bring my laptop. Maybe I will take Gerrell's. He's not supposed to have it during the week anyway. Plus I am going late enough at night that he will not need it.

I have to wash my hair and not put anything on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOTHING ON MY HAIR!!!! No shea butter, no leave in conditioner, no hot six oil! What will my hair look like? I am transitioning to natural and I plan to let it transition out until my natural hair is as long as my permed hair. I like my hair around my shoulders and that is what I am going to do. Anyway. . . . Nothing on my hair. I am quite satisfied with my hair the way it is right now. So nice and soft and moisturized! Sigh. Nothing on my hair. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

Now if I start getting really good sleep and still don't feel better, I am going to go back to the doctor. I know that some of it is my diabetes. I have got to get that under better control. And I plan on doing that starting tomorrow. I am going to be like a demon with checking and checking and checking my blood sugars and making sure that I take insulin before I eat, not after I have started. Anyway, there are numerous problems that I hope to take care of in the future and just feel better. I want to feel better. I am going to feel better.

New Year

Ahhhh! It is a New Year! It is 2011! A year filled with so many numbers that it blows the mind. The first day was 1-1-11! Larz's birthday is 1-11-11 (and lots of shows are debuting that night). This has got to be VJs lucky year 11-11-11! Too bad it's not like his first year on the job or something like that. I love it.

I have also been super crabby and irritable. I have been trying to hold it in, but it squeezes out the sides and blasts anyone who gets close. It's like a pb&j sandwich that you press together too hard and it oozes out the sides is my anger. I can feel it sometimes filling in all the little dark holes. Sometimes when there is a lot going on, I can feel that jelly that is my anger soaking into the bread giving me this odd "DON'T CUSS WITH ME" energy that people can feel a mile away. On the surgace I am perfectly pleasant, but underneath is this tumultous chasm of seething anger and annoyance.

Can't say anything.
Don't want to upset anyone.
Just want to be happy and calm.
What is that? Where is it? Can I find it? Is it possible?
This can't be me.
I am more than this . . . . . . . .

Anyway, it is a great day to be alive and I am truly thankful for my life, because it could be a whole lot worse than what it is.

Mwah!